13 March 2010

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My Injured Toes

Seven days.
It was exactly a week ago, I injured my foot and toes.

Honestly, I can hardly walk due to the bruises and
swollen of my toes, and each time I walk on it, it feels
like as if I'm still stepping on a rock or something.

The pain is unbearable, and I tend to have many
sleepless nights with regards to the pain and itchiness.

And because of the injury, I didn't attend to any of my
work commitment, and for the whole week of my life,
it only involves with endless slacking, eating and sleeping.

Seriously, I do somehow feel like a dead person after
all the slacking and stuff, and when I try looking at the
mirror, I see myself being ridiculously ugly.

And this is extremely disturbing!

Well, having to say this because I've gained 2kg due to my
over-eating plus no regular exercise for the entire week!

And so, all of my evenings are spent eating ice-cream of
different flavours, reading novels and fashion magazines,
watching Korean dramatic series, online window-shopping,
sms-ing and talking on cell phone with my neighbours.

Ridiculously passing my time painlessly, discontented and
loneliness subdued by the amount of money and comfort,
and the numbering heat.

But I knew, it was only a temporary period of my boring life.
A life, I had never thought which I deserved, and obviously
not for the current stage.
Come to think of it, perhaps it's never a bad thing, as
I've learned to endure with the quiet mornings where
nobody is at home, and the long, slow nights where everyone

was fast asleep. And obviously to be proud of myself being
able to stay lonely within my undisturbed world.

And most importantly, forget about my painful injury,

because there's no room for me to regret, and to make
a fuss over the silliest things, where it can never be
undone, as the days ahead is only the beginning.

Admittedly, I still loathe myself for being insanely fat
and oily, and to me the immutable fact seems to be
getting more and more obvious, and absolutely not cool at all.

However, I can't think of anything else more loathsome,

than to self declare that I still look pretty much flawless
even though there's a 2kg of meat pasted . . . . . . . here! (.)(.)

PS: I had so many things on my mind lately,
but one thing in particular stands out, which is
I gotta admit I'm the real ice-cream-eating monster!

My Ex Girlfriend

For some reason, I began to miss someone whom
I used to adore the most in the past.

She's my ex girlfriend.

I remembered, we used to be the best of friends,
and probably even closer than my twin sister.

However, it's pretty disturbing in a sad way that,
we no longer contact each other anymore, and
how much those sweet little things meant to us
seems so insignificant now.

Well, I'd say jealousy is the cause of everything.

Our friendship became so dramatic and unhealthy,
when I began to find out that she has been belittling
things about me to her ex boyfriend.

Seriously, I do not know the reason why, and when

exactly she started to loathe me so much?

And the saddest part was, she blogs about me being
a bimbo in her blog, and asked me to read about it and
give her some comments with regards to the blog post,
and pretended it was meant for some other people.

Well, it was her ex boyfriend who exposed all her lies,
because he himself couldn't stand her any longer!

And I'd say, those nasty and mean remarks that she
used to bitch about me was beyond words can describe.

Initially I kept my cool, because I don't intend to start
a cat fight, as it will only make me look immature and

sneaky. And I guessed, nobody likes being dumped,
even if it's by a girlfriend.

Although, she did send me an email to apologise with

regards to the above mentioned issue, and I did somehow
convince myself to forgive her, as I don't wish to hurt her
feelings or to desert our friendship, but the scar remain,
and I've learned my lesson well.

Having to say that, I realized my judgment was not always

accurate, as I foolishly found myself misled and aggrieved
by her who used me in a way to gained popularity among
our surrounding friends.

But I learned. I learned never to believe stories that was told
by her, and I learned to listen and believe friends who are

more sincere, and then to forget everything which attacked me.

And because I was so disappointed with her.
With all of the scenery act she performed, and her "oh so clever"
words and lies she used on me, I got to give her all the attention
she always wanted. And for this was never the beginning, but
the beginning of the very end!

And so, even I've managed to persuade myself to forgive her,
our friendship bump it down from the term of "Best friends"
to "Close friends, and now to "Acquaintances".

Initially, I felt sympathetic towards her when I heard her crying,
while trying so hard to apologise, but come to think of it now,
it was only her tears that manipulate my mind.

Looking back, the whole episode shame me big time being
once her "best friend", though I miss her, I loathe her even more!

PS: Though I've forgiven her, our friendship ended since June 2009.

I Don't Need A Boyfriend
Commitment is neither a word, nor a piece of paper.

It's like giving two different people, an additional reasons
to fight against each other, to stay together, and to boast
to the world about how loving they are.

And after a long while, the drama begins, failing and afraid
of making the wrong decisions in life, where separation

happens with an increasing rate.

So, the concept of being permanent attached with someone

never even occurs to me at all. I mean, it's like the particular
someone will sure take away my freedom, and at the same

time, I will soon be weak and lifeless.

Also, by staying committed in a relationship, there's a need
to negotiate with many rules, as in if you want love and
let the person to nurture and care for you, you definitely
need to offer something in return, and no doubts the word
is sex, which I obviously loathe the most.

Or maybe, I did suffered and gone through a great loss
and trauma early in my love life. Lacking of good role

models as I've heard too many of the very disturbing
stories told by my surrounding friends and colleagues.

Well, whatever it is . . .

Admittedly, these are the reasons why I'm so afraid of
commitment especially in terms of relationships.

So, for goodness sake, after reading this post, I believe
I don't have to answer any of your silly questions again!

Questions like , "Oh, you don't have a boyfriend? And
why is that so?"

"Single, but not available? Why? Do you need me to

introduce you some of the male colleagues?"

The answer is, NO NO NO . . .
Because the problem lies here, I don't need a boyfriend!
Well, if you still don't get my point let's put it this way,
being single it's the only way and solution for me
to live
a life of complete freedom, even if I've got no choice as
to live alone on a deserted island, where there's no human!

PS: Figuratively speaking, men with dignity and charm are all
snapped up when they were still dumb and acne, ridiculously
caught by women with great foresight.


Everyone has different definition for the term "Friendship".
To me, good friends are hard to obtain in lives, because only
true friends are able to stab you in the front, but not at the back.

The Characteristics :

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PS: An evil friend is worst than being a beast, because
a heartless beast can only damage and harm your body,
but an evil friend will wound and destroyed your vision.