Dictionary of Male Speech Patterns

What he says:
I Love You.

What he means:
Let's have sex now!

What he says:
Nice dress.

What he means:
Nice breast.

What he says:
Will you marry me?

What he means:
I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other men, and I need a replacement for my mother.

What he says:
You look tense, lets me give you a massage.

What he means:
I want to have sex with you within the next 10 mins.

What he says:
You used to be one of those militant, feminist lesbians.

What he means:
You used to refused to have sex with me.

What he says:
It's really a good movie.

What he means:
It's got guns, knives, fast cars and most importantly
naked women.

What he says:
We don't need material things to prove our love.

What he means:
I forgot our anniversary again.

What he says:
I was thinking about you, and got you these roses.

What he means:
Oh god, the girl who sold these roses to me was a real
babe with great curves, and I wanted to have a closer look.

What he says:
You know how bad my memory is.

What he means:
I remember the address of the first girl I kissed,
and the registration number of every car I've ever
owned, but I forgot your birthday.

What he says:
Call an ambulance!!!

What he means:
I cut my finger!!!
.....