28 April 2008


Happy Birthday Part 1

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13 April 2008

...
I face the inability to face myself

It's been a few weeks since that "Getting-Over-Someone"
and,
just to make today seems a little brighter,
I went to cut my hair.


Getting over someone is never easy, and at the
same point of time, bear an uncanny resemblance
to the experience of being run over by a lorry.

Its like being run over by a lorry, while still conscious,
again and again and AGAIN.


And its never easy to ignore this spiritual death to
concentrate on my exam.


Yes, I m having my Law paper on next wed,
and though the fact that
I've more or less moved
on from this game, but I just can't stop mentioning
about him.

Not because I enjoy reminding myself about his folly,
but...


One Friday a week ago, we met at the same usual party place,
with the same usual
party group of friends, and...
I didn't managed to get close to him or talk to him,

and ya, why should I?

And ever since, when he's trying to prove the
"Its Over" by flirting
with so many girls,
I've already given up everything and anything, and
the line

"Isn't it obvious, I am a player"....
has become a classic line
in my heart.

And if that's the way he wants it, then so be it!
Anyway, it was also that night, I fully understood everything.

Two days ago, it was weird seeing him sitting down there
at the sofa.

I wanted to tell him ...............

"Aren't you party-ing with those girls? Or you gotta
know that I've
already over you?
And so, the flirting show is Over....???"


I knew he'd probably ignored me and so....


If I had to say exactly what I missed about him
then maybe,
I am blinded by love, or maybe I am
looking through my colour lenses
of practicality,
as he destroys my hopes, my life and packs his bags
and leaves,
dump me behind without any much
consideration, and I guess might as well cry
on then,
since I am already blind....

And if I can see a future for us, while he
can't,
then being blind is much better.


Sometimes, I don't deny the fact that I deeply
miss him for many reasons, and I wish he could

maybe give me a phone call or something...
but
the reply.." Not tonight" is already clear enough!


To be honest, I am trying hard to feel better,
but maybe I am just a
compulsive depresser,
who hurled back into the past, stuck in the
moment and started to cry.


Or I m just not the sorts of girl who smiles
and laughs all the time and forget about the past.


Whatsoever, I face the inability to face myself anymore.
4You


I think all you want to do is run away from me.

I hate you, when you pretending that you doesn't care.
I hate you, when you're actually looking at me,
but you're trying to hide. I hate you, when I date you
out but you've rejected me.. twice..

I am saying this because I m going to forget about you,
get rid of your smile, your evil eyes, your meanness,
your rudeness, your bitter voice, and most importantly
your presence.

Anyway you're just a lizard, and there’re
millions and zillions of men better than you!

And lastly, that someone who hurt you did a great job,
but it
doesn't mean you got the right to hurt me or
any other girls!!!

The love of your life left you. It hurts, doesn’t it?...

11 April 2008

Another Shitty Day


Woke up 10 am in the morning, and as usual feeling shitty!
Surf YouTube and watch cartoons.
Ahem...
I don't really like cartoons except for
Happy Tree Friends, because
I can feel the pain
when I watched this...
Rip it off...!!!!






YES, I am a sick person... :Dmmm
...........

07 April 2008

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..............................................................

06 April 2008

This is the black one


One morning several weeks ago in KL,
I found JJ & XX and brought them to SG.


My beloved JJ was with me,
but I gave away his
dearest XX to someone.

Sometimes, I found that JJ was fighting against me,

making me feel so distant and even heard him

whispering , "Stop being so silly".
..............................................


Or maybe I m the one who is fighting against JJ,

in a twisted and paradoxical way, because I need to
know
that I was safe and secure being with him.



Nope.
........................................


He's a cold, uncaring, selfish, unkind, mean &

emotionless toy, asking me why I wasn't dead yet.
.....................................................


And I'd love to tell him that he's one of the few

toy in my life who never fail to remind me of

the fact that, how awesome it is to be alive... ...



My search for nostalgia & insecurity.